The Song that has Carried Me Through 2020

 

Photo by Greg Rakozy on Unsplash

A year ago this week, a local high school in my city joined the list of school shooting tragedies. Several people from my church were there and knew personally those who died, including the gunman. 

Although I wasn't affected personally, per se, my heart went out to those who attneded that school. I cried for the pain their school community had to suffer. 

My sense of secutiry and safety was shaken and shattered. Those things happened in other cities...not my normally peaceful city. 

A piece of my heart still breaks a little every time I see a #saugusstrong bumper sticker or drive past the school.

The night of the shooting, we had a prayer vigil at my chruch. Our pastor's son (who attends the school) got up and sang "While I Wait" by Lincolm Brewster. That song brought such peace to my soul that night, and has continued to carry me through this past year. 

(If you haven't heard this song, go take a listen right here.)

I don't think anyone can deny that this year has been difficult. For some more than others. By God's grace, my family and I have remained healthy. There has been no big outbreak at my church, and I still have a job. By all outward appearaces, I'm doing good. 

But it not all roses on the inside. This year has taken an emotional and mental toll on me. It battles my seventh grade year (which I've written about on this blog before) for hardest year of my life yet. And it is in this place that I have found comfort in the lyrics to "While I Wait."

It is right to acknowledge pain...even before God. God wants to hear about the pain I am feeling. Last semester we discussed Lament in my Old Testament class, just as the world was shutting down. There is a time and place to bring our pain before God. "...even in the dark, when I'm undone..."

We may not get all the answeres, but God is no less sovereign. "I live by faith, and not by sight, sometimes miracles take time..."

Reminding ourselves of God's attributes helps to keep our focus in the right place. "...you're faithful every day, your promises remain..."

Worship is a choice we must make even when we don't feel like it. "...though I don't have all the answers, still I trust you, all the same..."

When the world shut down and our church's women's retreat got cancelled...I turned to this song for hope. When classes were moved online for the rest of the semester and I couldn't see my friends anymore...I turned to this song for hope. When the country was shaken by Black Lives Matter protests...I turned to this song for hope. When the shutdown went on longer than anyone was expecting...I turned to this song for hope. As the months have gone on and I've battled the emotional and mental turmoil this year has left me in...I have continued to turn to this song for hope.

God is still faithfu and he remains the same. He can be trusted. He is working in the midst of the pain around me and in me, and for that...

I will choose to worship.

** I put together a youtube playlist of other songs that have brought me hope and comfort during the difficult months of 2020.